Episode 75: Las Vegas Hates My Fashionable T-shirt

My awesomely fashionable shirt that people in Las Vegas will never realize how cool it is (I'm not the model)

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Intro and outro music by Candlemass

Infantino gets jumped by a cat during the WC TT

WTF WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?

- Rapha Cycle Club: New York City
- Video: Cat jumps on Infantino
- CI's interview with Colombia's National Team's director
- Pat McQauid makes stupid remarks

- Bill Strickland on Bicycling
- Bill Strickland's blog
- My fashionable shirt came from here
- Donate cycling items and win autographed Team Colombia stuff

Bill Strickland judges the bar-wrapping competition

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Email:
SpeedMetalCycling [at] gmail [dot] com

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Gage+Desoto
Cycling Inquisition

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Speed Metal Cycling (@SpeedMetalCycl)
The SkullKrusher (@TheSkullKrusher)
Gage+Desoto (Mike Spriggs) (@GageDesoto)


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Krushing the Giro: Stage 8

Hey, everybody, I found a $14,000 bike in the gutter!

By now you know how I feel about TTs. I watched the stage on while cleaning Mr. Beechcroft's cage, so this will be a predictably short post.

I may have been scrubbing hamster poop off plastic tubes, but don't think for a second that I missed Wiggo throwing his Graal around like it was a Dogma.

"Bloody hell, I love throwing bikes about, mate!"

I also caught a peek of Henao and Kelderman riding the TT like it was a breakaway. Tsk tsk, gentlemen...

Elbow flick?

The Colombian Conspiracy
I did some quick math here and figured out that if Uran and Henao would have finished in the front group yesterday (like they should have), Henao would be 2nd in the GC, at 38 seconds form Nibali, and Uran would be 3rd at 1:13. Make of those numbers what you will, but personally, I think Sky threw away a chance to have a 2 or 3 prong attack heading into the big mountains tomorrow.

Tomorrow is gonna rule. I'm cheering for Evans.

Randomness:

- Mario Cipollini mention counter: 3
- Helmet talk counter: 10
- Euskaltel guys on the deck counter: 3 (crazy low, if you ask me)
- Stage winner wearing cycling cap / baseball hat / no hat counter: 0 / 7 / 1 (ridiculous)

Krushing the Giro: Stage 6

Cavendish remembers Wouter Weylandt on the second anniversary of his death

A pretty straight forward stage today. Not much to say here, except I really wish Gavazzi and Hunter would have gone all bar brawl on each other after the finish line. Nothing funnier than 110lbs dudes in spandex, dumb looking helmets and cycling cleats trying to look tough. Guys, a little secret, you look as tough an ballet dudes in leotards.

Not so tough guys

There was that caduta with about 25-30kms to go that caught Sky out. The group slowed down and allowed Sky, and the rest of the guys caught behind the crash, to catch back up without mush of a chase. Made sense, but what if BMC, for example, with Evans in the front started pushing hard? What if... I'm glad they didn't, because then, I'd have to write twice as much and I don't feel like it today.

RAI never ceases to entertain me with their post-stage show. Today, they had Artie Lang as a special guest. Weird. I didn't know Artie was into cycling. Also, nice to see that Cavendish still had the energy and sense of humor to get up there and joke around with the panel of randoms they always seem to have up there.

The Italian Artie Lange

Randomness:

- Mario Cipollini mention counter: 3
- Helmet talk counter: 9
- Euskaltel guys on the deck counter:3
- Stage winner wearing cycling cap / baseball hat / no hat counter: 0 / 4 / 1

Krushing the Giro: Stage 2

"Woohoo!"

So, I'm writing this the night of May 4th, which of course means I'm writing before the TTT takes place on Sunday, the 5th. Why am I doing this? Because I am so sure the TTT is going to be a snooze-fest, it doesn't really matter when I write it, the post will basically be the same.

Why do I hate time trials? I'm asked that question all the time. By "all the time" I mean once every few years, when I meet a person that cares enough about my opinion on anything, much less cycling. Well, the answer is simple: they are plain BORING. Especially at the beginning of a Gran Tour. Of course things could happen that could change the outcome of the race overall. A whole team could go down and lose 3 minutes ruining their leader's chance in the GC, but how often does that happen, and more importantly, how exciting is it to watch live? Personally I don't find it interesting at all.

There is those few times when a TT may be interesting, but a few things have to be going on: First, it has to be in the last week of the race, otherwise who cares. Second, there has to be a legitimate chance for the podium positions to change, otherwise, X rider from X team breaking into the top ten is as exciting as a dance at a retirement home, you hope someone will fall to make it worth watching. Third, the course or weather have to be difficult. Two specific TTs come to mind right off the bat, the 1989 LeMond/Fignon battle and the 2009 final TT in the Giro, where Menchov crashed. And even then only the last 30 minutes where worth watching. Even with tomorrow's (I mean today's) course being hilly and a little tricky, let's be honest; it is not gonna be anywhere in the neighborhood of those, dare I say, epic time trials. Let the guys go head to head, one on one in person. It's ALWAYS more exciting that an endless parade of guys riding funny looking bikes in stupid looking hats.

LeMond, 1989

All that being said, I will watch the stage, try not to fall asleep too much and bring you this titillating report. Note that all text in black was written tonight, before watching the stage. Text in orange is what I filled in after waking up from the nap that will surly ensue at some point. Probably when a team as enthralling as Bardiani hit the first check point. Ooooooh... can not wait.

Today's stage went pretty much as predicted with Team Sky taking the victory and putting Salvatore Puccio  in the Maglia Rosa.

Thank you for reading.

Randomness:

- Sponsor spotlight: Estathè - Iced tea and beverage company
- Mario Cipollini mention counter: 1
- Helmet talk counter: 4
- Euskaltel guys on the deck counter: 2
- Stage winner wearing cycling cap / baseball hat counter / no hat: 0 / 1 / 0

KRUSHING THE TOUR: Stage 16

Johan Museeuw would have guys like Wiggins for breakfast.

Pessimist and Negative.
I have been accused of being a pessimist and negative when it comes to cycling today. I prefer the term "jaded," but yeah, I'm hard on the sport these days, and yes, I long for a time when cyclists had a little more... panache. Today I saw what's still great about the sport and what's killing it.


The Stage.
The race for the stage into Bagnères-de-Luchon today was simply amazing. It was a real cycling race, a true slugfest between guys who were depleted and drained. The contenders? Thomas Voeckler, Jens Voigt, Chris Anker Sørensen and Alexander Vinokourov. The average age right there is about 64. Old school, stubborn hard men, in the vein of Johan Museeuw, Ludo Dierckxsens, and, well and Alexander Vinokourov. That Gorka Izaguirre, and Brice Feillu also fought in there gives me a little bit of hope for the sport. For the sport, yeah, but for the Tour? If today had been a one day race it would have been one for the ages, but it wasn't. It was a stage in a rather uneventful Tour de France.


The GC "Battle"
While the real cyclists were in an all-out war up in the front of the race, the "favorites" (whose favorites? They aren't my favorite anything) were back there sitting on each other's wheel. It got SO boring that Cadel Evans actually fell asleep. That's why he started to yo-yo in and out of the bunch; the dude could hardly keep his eyes open.
Ok, so the fact is that Evans lost time today, because he obviously isn't in great form, not because he was attacked, or put in any kind of difficulty. Nibali did try. Twice. For a total of 36 seconds of excitement. UK Postal (™Gage+DeSoto Industries) has been so dominant during this Tour that it has chocked the beauty out of it.


To Hell with the Tour!
Pretty much every year, around this time, I decide that the Tour is too commercial and pretty for me and that the Classics is where it's at. But every spring I watch an awesome Giro, get all excited and BAM!! I get hit with the Tour de Prance™reality stick.


Tomorrow?
I give up on the GC. I officially do not care what Wiggins or Nibali do. Especially since they won't do anything. So, all I care about now is the race for the stage, and tomorrow should be a good one! Can't wait!

Should be an awesome stage. Let's just hope the cameras don't spend too much time on Wiggo.

KRUSHING THE TOUR: Stage 15

Mr. Beechcroft, the hamster, made a run for it last night.

My girlfriend's hamster escaped last night and I had to get up at 7:30am to move furniture and look for him. We eventually found him, but I missed most of the stage. What did I miss, I wondered? Nothing at all, was the answer.

Rest day tomorrow? Good, I need a rest from all this crappy "racing."

KRUSHING THE TOUR: Stage 14

Puns.
A-tack. Karpets tacks. Tack-y. All hilarious puns made after today's disastrous stage. By hilarious, of course, I mean stupid. And I do not mean disastrous because of the tacks.

Keep Your Eye on the Prize.
The whole ordeal with the tacks on the summit of the Mur de Peguere is a real bummer. It had been a long time since something like this had happened in a Grand Tour and now I'm afraid there will be copy cats out there trying to replicate the stunt in other races.
As shitty a situation as that was, let's not lose sight of what the real problem was with today's stage: Nothing interesting had happened up until that point and chances are nothing interesting would have happened. Nibali, Evans and their teams didn't try anything all stage. Even Froome was hardly on screen. So, when Evans first pulled over with a rear puncture, I thought: Game on! Finally something is gonna happen. Nope. Wiggins rightfully neutralized the stage and we were back to status quo. Unfortunately for me, that status quo in this year's Tour has been anything but exciting.
Now, I am not saying that Liquigas or Lotto-Belisol should have attacked, or that what Sky did was wrong, but what I am saying is that even when I thought I was gonna get some awesome racing, I didn't. Until later when I saw the Tour of Poland stage. It was brilliant.

Poor ol' Pierre Rolland.
Let's give this dude a break. He went for it, but went back to the peloton. End of story. Listen, last time I checked, the Tour was a race. Not a parade of "gentlemen" riding their bikes through France, advertising national lotteries and banks. Let's ask ourselves a question: Do we think that Merckx would have taken advantage of that situation? I'd like to think he would have. That's why he was the "Cannibal" and not the "Gentleman."

I understand good sportsmanship, but I also understand not giving a rat's ass about it. In my eyes, if Rolland would have gone for it and ended 6th in the GC, I would not have had a problem with that. If Van Garderen and Brajkovic didn't react, that's on them, not on Rolland. The race between Nibali, Evans and Wiggins, was the one that was affected by the retards with the tacks.

“I lived a very different cycling, at the beginning of a sprint, I felt like a gladiator, ready to do anything to keep my place." Cipollini, a man's man.

  

When the Lion King roared.
Maybe cycling is gotten way too gentlemanly and the grit and brutality, which is what attracted me to the sport in the 80s, is disappearing. To quote one of my favorite riders of all time, the Mighty Super Mario Cipollini: “In five hundred years or more, human beings might have both sets of genitalia, male and female. I don’t want this evolution to have started already in cycling…” Let's try to ignore the not-so-subtle sexism in the comment. The message is clear, nowadays cycling has gotten too soft. But there's always an excuse, isn't there? Stages are shorter because of TV rights and stages aren't as hard because the season is longer, and this and that, and sponsors and big contracts and big money and we end up with boring races and 200 gentlemen prancing through the fields of France making sure no one's feelings are hurt.


Do You Like Prancing? Tune in Tomorrow.

I'll be tuning it to watch the last 5k.

Anyway.
On a lighter note: my brother, the master mind behind Cycling Inquisition, posted a gem for all of us. It's his view of today's madness. Do check it out here.

KRUSHING THE TOUR: Stage 13

Cadel Evans, Jurgen Van den Broeck and Nicolas Roche: tiny little dig on Mont Saint-Clair

You May be Right, I May Be Crazy. 
Ok, I'll admit it, I was partially wrong yesterday. Today's stage had more than 10 minutes of action. It had 12. Still, not much to be said. With the "climb" so far from the finish the GC contenders didn't do much, except for a small acceleration by Cadel Evans and Jurgen Van den Broeck on Mont Saint-Clair.

I expected more craziness from Vinokourov

Alexander Nikolaevich Vinokourov.
Crazy Vino put in a nice dig along with Michael Albasini at the end of the stage and it almost paid off, but for Lotto-Beli-Soul Train.

The Final Sprint.
Lotto-Belisol pulled for the last 10k at dropped the last remaining weaklings that were still hanging on to the tail-end of the peloton after the final "climb." Greipel looked to be in the best position with the strongest lead-out train (with Sagan just behind as a sneaky stowaway.) But at some point with 2 or 3 kilometers to go, Lotto disappeared off the front and Wiggins started to lead Boasson Hagen out. Then, the Gorilla woke up and beat Sagan on the line. Good sprint, good finish to another bore-fest.

The Gorilla barely beat The Tourminator. God, those are awful nicknames.

The Pyrenees!
The high mountains return tomorrow. Three categorized climbs, two of the them 1st category. The first one, Port de Lers, is over 11 kilometers, but my guess is that the fireworks won't start until the main group get over the summit.

If I were Nibali. 
If I were the leader of Liquigas-Cannondale, I'd go on the attack as soon as the descent of the first climb starts. Put Team Sky on the defensive from early on. Give it full gas and try to get a minute on them by the time the Mur de Péguère starts. While shorter, this climb is steeper and this should help Nibali, since Wiggins isn't the best in this type of ascents. It's almost 40k to the finish from the top of the Mur de Péguère, but most of it is a technical descent, once again favoring the Italian.

If I were Evans. 
Well, if I were the Australian, I would pray. First, I would pray and Froome and Porte have a bad day. I'd pray that Nibali doesn't have the balls (or legs) to do what I described above. If my prayers were to be answered, I'd send a few teammates up the road (maybe even van Garderen), attack on the last climb, catch up with them go balls-out to the finish.

If I were Froome.
Simple: I'd put some serious laxatives on Bradley's breakfast porridge and destroy everyone on the first climb.

Hopefully Evans and Nibali will attack Wiggins.

KRUSHING THE TOUR: Stage 12

Ferdinand Cheval's Palais Idéal. You can all thank me for not using an image of earwax sculptures.

Did anyone see where I put my shotgun? I want to shoot myself.
Remember when I said yesterday that today's stage was being run backwards? And that anything interesting that could happen in the early climbs would be over by the time the stage ended? Well, even I, with my perpetual negativity, could not have predicted just how BORING this stage turned out to be. The grupetto caught back up with the peloton 80 kilometers out! 80 kilometers left to ride and the sprinters were back in the main field. WHY ON EARTH BOTHER WITH THE TWO CLIMBS THEN?

The stage was SO boring, the highlight of the Eurosport broadcast was Carlton Kirby and David Harmon discussing earwax sculptures on matchsticks and Ferdinand Cheval's Palais Idéal. I don't even want to think about what Liggett and Sherwen were talking about! Wait, they were probably on a commercial break or some stupid, useless segment sponsored by SRAM. Never mind.

Anyway, do you think the topics of Naïve art (earwax sculptures) and Naïve architecture (Palais Idéal) would have come up if the Col de Grand-Cucheron and the Col du Granier, had been in the LAST 80 kilometers, instead of the FIRST? Of course not.

Tomorrow's stage is going to suck, too. It has a cat 3 "climb" with 23k to go that may provide about 10 minutes of excitement. It does, after all, climb to a WHOPPING 159 meters! I can spit farther than that.

I hate the ASO and they can kiss my ass.

217 kilometers of pure, unadulterated boredom. Woopty friggin' doo!!!